Day 4 #Evening Logs

Night

Behaviour /Cognition:

• In the afternoon when I wake up I had a great opportunity as strong sexual fantasies arise, It feels very seductive and pleasurable, and difficult to not engage in it. After engaging in it for short time, I was able to disengage. The urge was strong. Also I believe I did small mind wandering
  • These sexual fantasies again played periodically and similiar behaviour after engaging for a while disengage.
  • There was basic agitation of mind while I was decided to meditate in the afternoon. I went out took a walk and try again. After a while mind falled into a peaceful focused state.
  • I talked to Akhil, and Lin in the night, balanced. No strong urge, although out of habit I was touching myself while talking to Lin.

Positive Aspects:
Because I knew that I am working on the lower energies, I didn’t allow to multiply any urges, sometimes when I don’t have that commitment, These urges can easily turn into watching movies the whole day…

I feel more and more inspired. I start doing a new computer course along with Marketing. I find Joy in them.

I feel excited for tomorrow what lower impulses I will work with etc.

Learning:
When the impulse arises, It asks for a kind of permission. There is a clear place of opportunity to disengage, not suppress but just kind of letting go. It is challenging because there is poisonous but nonetheless instant pleasure in it. That moment is the place where you disengage and let go.