pride

interestingly while I am writing this, circumstances are ( sitting in barista ) being in a way that pride is kicking in at this very moment.

even though I am not driven by pride completely. I can not deny it does contribute in decision making. and I can not also deny there is a sense of pleasure in it. infect this pleasure is so addictive that I personally have faked myself, lie and even have gone way beyond from my ethical standard to get a bit of the taste.

the trunk of this would be what people will think, I really want to look very closely about what kind of pleasure it is.

pride could be such a thing people have dedicated their life to it. mainly because it has meaning very cheap yet better than nothing ( or just plain sense pleasure ). and it does satisfy a little bit even on flip side causes major unsatisfaction. it is a hopeless and regretful state of living.

at one point in my life I would like to at a point where I am almost free from pride and has cultivated enough humility and compassion that these quality starts to make contribution into decision making.