what now!
even though everything is falling into the place. still I am not feeling fulfilled. on the expression level life is good, I enjoy my work. good mental and physical health. very good sandbox, I like where I live and cafes around me. neither I am worried, depressed or anxious but not fulfilled either. hanging somewhere in between.
it’s after a long time I don’t have a main priority, and I am not looking for answers in desperation. instead I am more interested in aspirational quest.
I don’t care that much about expression level happiness. what I really aspire about is meaning and purpose. but I am quite empty on what to do now. and what is the best thing to do when you are empty. explore.
exploring experientially - this is something I was very excited about few months back when I was nomading around dharamkot. one thing I really feel like isn’t that be so cool if I spend next 10 years exploring different different domains like, music, art, teaching and all. because all I know is technology. beside it being cool there are very few hybrids in the world. and I also felt it would be really interesting to bring one domain experience to another. and this could also be the roots of authentic entrepreneurship.
compassion - sometimes when I slip into the reality where I can see myself on a common ground with everyone else, a naked fundamental understanding evolve that we are just animals with more complex brain there is really not much difference between a human and a dog. all the illusions shatters and the only thing that make sense is compassion. and it feels like the very root of meaning, purpose and satisfaction is compassion.
financial bondage - this is very real, even though I travelled for an year, and didn’t work at all. my path was very much dictated by financials. it was that background service which was using too much of mental resources. in todays world financials can easily be compared with survival. what I really not like about this, is having enough power to caging my freedom and control on myself. even though I am very grateful for the option, doing a job as much as it is accepted in our society doesn’t feel inline with nature. isn’t entrepreneurship is more fundamental than doing a job. the question should not be why you want to be an entrepreneur/maker but why you want to do a job and answer is because it is easy.
how did they do it - I am not certainly the first person who feels like this. and I felt insanely wowed when I first find out what buddha actually did and figured out. and learning from what he learnt was an insane privilege. and I am sure again what I am feeling right now. a lot peoples have passed through this junction and surely literature about this is out there. just reading what they did, and where they reached makes a lot of sense.