1. Vipassana.

There is no conflict here, I am passionate about it. It makes sense intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Also I can’t imagine not doing it. If somehow I couldn’t then It will be problematic for me.

It takes out the garbage from inside, lust, fear, hatred. and all the defilment. and what is left I had a small taste of it, compassion. I saw the selfishness in me, next time it will be out. And with it changes the thought process. The problem surfaces on the mind and get resolved.

It shows me the truth, more foundational like attachment creates the web of desires and the mind struggle. Direct. This access to the finer reality, makes life simple, easy, and peaceful. The alternative is very challenging and useless. Just try to fulfil the desires that doesn’t take me anywhere meaningful. I don’t have access to the I right now and it will be later. It takes the struggle out of the life. This is clarity.

It is a path that takes me deeper. This time I experienced the Bhanga. Permanently. The space where thought and emotions and momentarily comes and fades. Maybe next time Prashabdi, Bramha. Nirvana. It takes me beyond the desire, and the struggle of thoughts and emotions. The searching ends and I feel complete and fulfilled. No more going to UK or having child, or struggle with marriage. They are all here in this realm, Just the projection of attachment to the information. It is not as if they are solved, but they are not important like dream is not important.

I wanna do 3 months after six months of work. Doing more is counter productive. Doing less is hard for me, I can not stop myself. This will continue, And If I never reach the Niravana, I do not care. Among all the journey this is the one I want to take.

The practice is simple and I will do it. Before I was doing it something else. Sensation, Anicha, and Samatha. I am going to do 2 hours and then through out the day in between.