blocker - fear !

there are things that comes into the way and fear is leader of them for me. it is seriously affecting quality of my life. and I am experiencing unhealthy amount of it these days. to the point where it is shattering my confidence unexpectedly.

so here is few example from last few weeks.

so I wanted to buy some clothes and I walked into this store. the point I was entering into it, I started to feel my heartbeats going up because of fear. I was feeling very unease internally. totally out of samtha, very vigilant and in avoid any human interaction mode. a guy asked me, sir can I help you. and when I replied and my voice was shattered totally out of confidence. it felt very bad. it happens so many times before in different scenarios. now after that I was feeling vigilant, even at food court.

so why I feel fear ?

I think I was afraid that I might not live upto the mental image I have created for myself, a denial that I must be good at this without ever investing any time on social skills.

another theory seems to be it was not really fear but anxiousty and it happens when skill is too short as compare to task, and does make a lot of sense, I not only never invested much in social skills, but even invested a lot in denial that it doesn’t matter, not so important. so I have a denial on stake that my mind is trying to protect ( ofcourse to make me feel better ) and underdeveloped skill.

the best part is, it is very easy to replicate and develop.