4. Lin and Marriage.

Living a married life or my own place is more suitable for me in terms of spiritual growth as well as living worldly life. Isolation or living in communities like Vipassana is not wholesome for me.

Once my selfishness thins out Lin is a beautiful partner, she is a good person, and struggling, I can not let her go through life knowing that I made her life harder.

Her desires are wholesome. She wants someone who loves her, desires her, gives her stability, and be there when she is sick. She is fairly independent, has a good heart, and qualities of a good human being.

She opens her heart and home for me and I just took and took. I didn’t give her comfort or stability, One night she came to my room. Crying and looking for some comfort I was busy playing with myself. I told her that her health issues bother me.

There is a lot of meaningful commanalities between us, Healthy food. simple life, spiritual inclinations. Stability.

If I do not let my ego go. I will suffer. I will probably end up living in despair. Or marry someone who looks good. The issue of her health, age, and dressing are not her issue but my ego’s problem. When I look from her point of view, I am choiceless.

We both agree for not having the child. It is not good for the child. Her health, and I don’t have any strong interest to raise the child. And it can become major hindrance for me to work on meditation. Athough it is more wholesome to raise an orphan child.