#4-1 Childhood regression (play).

So I went back to my childhood, most of the memory seems to be happy. I grew up in the quite not so civilised place, one memory that made me giggle was that boat on the mud water, that was play. the curosity. I put the boat in water, my hopes, and whatnot was there, I also fly some airplain. I wasn’t doing it for anything. Just plain doing it. Standing near null. Talking, preparing for game. Me and Ashish, we have become bad. Me and Ankit playing that indoor game of Fuddi, me and TV playing mario, I am asking Subhash about how much you are eating. Me flying kites, Me playing Kancha, me playing bornha. Me stealing money and buying trophy, me deciding to top because we got fined in train. Me trying after trying and Raja babu class. Me curious of those cards. Me returning everything. Me crying over fight between my family member, deceding to right down every meal I am having here. Me probably decided to sucide. Me and Ankit preparing for exam, me and Raju searching street for those matchbox cover. Me and Raju playing with matchbox cover. Me stealing money and renting comics. The competition of who read fast, didn’t really understood. Me staying at Ashutosh house, watching cartoon at Neelu house. Watching cartoon at Asutosh house. Playing hide and seek. Playing pituke. Mummy not allowing to change Cassatt. Bhai having seperate room and having Sonu Nigam poster. Playing wwf in sand. Pibi pinku house. Santhosh seducing Santosh using me as pawn. Taking in the evening. Me playing badminton. Me playing cricket in class using books. Me having secert of that stealing thingy. Me playing with ball in room. Me becoming popular cricket player in the game. Me winning that computer certificate in a walk of pride. Me coming and not shutting up about it to Vinayak and ,,. We figuring out how to use shampoo. Writing competition between me and Bhai. Me playing with cycle. Me in kabaddi team. Me sitting and watching people playing. Me papa and Bhai playing cricket. Oh the two most important thing making my parents pride and play in the same thing. Me playing chess. Me playing chain in resses. Me playing leg cricket, me playing gadha maar. Me eating quickly to play even more. The intensity of experience was remarkable. Did I had the noisy head, I don’t think I had so. Me playing patty dupai. Me playing kho-kho. Those weren’t just game, those were some serious adventures. My stomach was full, mind was curious and I was loved enough. Rasana after game. I knew I couldn’t go further from certain boundaries but I was sort of breaking them every now and than. Who will touch that pole first, I was really into playing. Desperate.

I am not sure about the state of mind but it seems a pretty good childhood.

Me moving in sophisticate place. Where people have car and Childs are well mannered.

Now I am hanging out with friends. And we talk. I talk with Ashish. I talk with aushutosh, I talked with suresh, I talked with Sriyansh and Rinku, I talked with Akhil, I wanted to impress Vishvesh. I talked to Mayank, We talked after viru’s class, we talked in lunch. This talking is taking place of playing. But what are we talking about ? I am also playing. I am also developing sexual urges at this time. Playing with my libido frequently.

I moved to this new place, model high, everybody is new. I knew Mayank, somehow I made friend with Raveendran, I made friend with panda. Kishor, and slipped into the group of Arpit, Sunil, Paritosh. I liked some females. There was also this dance of show-off for girl has begins, A thought of dating someone didn’t cross my mind. Did I developed ego at this place.?We talked about cricket, school, planning, what will happen in future.

Somewhere at this time I read you can win and I liked that. We did a drama at school and witnessed a horrible seduction process.