Experience of relationship with Lin.

When I started relationship with Lin, I was in the space where I was looking for rather a breakthrough. I had spent more than a year or even more understanding relationship, getting out of the space where I was complete clueless about relationship, I guess being bad will be rather better word.

I saw her in Yoga class in the corner on her mat. a clean women. I genuine smile came when I saw her, I was meeting Preksha and hoping that will hit it off. Preksha was way out of my type.

That day down to the elevator, I talked to Lin, and then invite her for the breakfast. we went to the breakfast many times, and then she once brought me the dates, and then we went to the onista, There was conversation happening in a1000Yoga. then one day she wrote me a latter and then we went to the millet cafe, to an ice cream place and then I hugged her tight, and kissed her in swami residency.

Then she went away for Isha Yoga, and then she gave me a surprise in cuppa, we went to Yoga and then her house, where she jumped on me and kissed me like real monkey. Almost every other day I was sleeping in her house, she was going through the monster. and then finally we had sex, It was my first time, rather poor performance, she thought we were not sex buddy. she was throwing the words like soulmates etc..

Although I like her house, and she is very welcoming.

She had to go back to china, I came to return her book, and then She wrote me another letter, a big letter, she also changed her flight timing, and it cost her a lot of money just to extend one day. that made me afraid. I wasn’t looking for very deep relationship.

I broke her heart when coming back from her house while kissing and hugging her. I told her I will never write her back. She cried. I kiss her goodbye and coming back to home I felt what a broken heart feel like.

and then tried to contact me over facebook, She also send me a gift which made me angry. My intention was to only exlpore relationship of life, and have sex. She didn’t send me meassge back after that.

My expectation was I will find other women and increase my experience. I spent couple of months in innov8. met kavita. I didn’t meet many people. I was also going through the end of video creation phase.

One day I opened facebook, and Learned she is here, I was desperate and I wrote her a message that I was just mean to her, and want to meet her, I guess I loved those moment with her and wanted to experience more. I went to her house and she was surprised and took me in. She even try to had sex, and I said I don’t have condoms. We had sex once a week, she wanted much often. I guess we went to many cafes and general feel was good about each other. I wrote her another message.

She went back to China and I went to dharmshala. Again I was living in heru and dharamshala, trying to find some ground, trying to understand what to do next. experimenting with communication, and seeing the mountain re climbing for the technology and In that near chaos I moved in with her. I remember she back to the bed that night, sleeping together. I got sucked into the work. Her expectation got higher. Her exams were there. I don’t remember much day to day life. I guess she said a lot something has changed since I said she can live independently. I guess this is the time I come to know more and more about her health issues and that she had child before which she dropped. Her expectation from relationship.

There was another round she gone and come back, there were times she shared deep things, her issue with mother, and aunt, a bitterness towards world, one day she said “my father would have live more if my mother was nicer”. She is very imaginative, and Once she told me that “She feels like she is living in a prision waiting for her sentence”. I tried to look for the place elsewhere. She grasped the breath. things were becoming dark. I thought really hard, I couldn’t make a logical decision on this.

Meanwhile time was moving she came again, and this time things were dark, She doesn’t want to sleep with me, She is looking for the krisnamurti videos, she was trying to move on. We didn’t do the sex for last one year. The time at we were doing the panchakarma, things were so dark that one day we went there seperately.

I even stop thinking about the relationship all together. focus on career and spirituality.

this time she came and things kind of settled down, the way she talked about sharat seems as if she is looking for partner somewhere else. Although when I left her hug felt same. I still love being around her. Kissing her, hugging her, playing with her.