Afraid

i don’t know what I would do after 2 weeks. I am not really demonstrating strong character and fight. I am sick and tired of living confused meaningless life. I feel strong disgust of my inability against sense pleasure. I am extremely uncomfortable in this hypocritical society. This gap between subconscious and conscious is root for evil of ignorance. I feel helpless and everyone is biting me around. Ignorance. I can’t see properly. My state of living is a constant struggle. I am suffocating here.

I don’t wanna distract myself. But the reality is so hard. And then there is aging and death. Can I really free my myself from these traps. I don’t wanna run in circle. I can’t live like this and all I can do is show my will. All these spiritual people’s point towards a path. That’s all I got.

I think a good and extremely hard thing about owning your life is you can’t really fool around. I remember waking up ghoomkad house extremely lost and depressed.

You have to realize yourself. You have to let go of these concept, Theses believes, these attachment, this EGO. You have to surrender. You have to have faith.

I can’t live a life of distraction.