Bitterness And Lies

Yesterday my parents called me, and I picked up the phone after seeing Lin last time. the first thing papa asked me where was I. and i lied unconciously, I was eating food. probably because I wanted to left alone.

and then papa started to accuse me, I changed the subject. we talked on that. and then my mom took the phone, and now she started to accuse me, advice me. acting out of fear. controlling. either book our ticket or yours. ab tune ki kuch gadbad.

It makes me angry. to cut off the communication itself, seperate myself from all this. it makes my mind very angry. You know in a way it is expected behavior from her. and I know it is a lack of eqaunimity from my side.

this episode is organic, it is the manifestation of me being in unstable mental state and other person being controlling and demanding, that too in the close relationship. and I was missing the clarity. this was one of the hardest situation to skillfully manage.

now that I see, my mom was trying to soften it, by telling me yoga and meditations. that was actually mature from her side.

the episode is come and gone, like a water and reveal certain aspect and clarity, what you need to be more clear and learn to communicate.

next time it will be new thing.

about lies. how could I tell them I was seeing Lin. Actually I could, and let this be awkward. although I am not clear, but speak the truth, this will simplify. Ofcourse I need to be more clear about it. and further learn and grow. but speaking lie to avoid hard situation is not the option.

another good suggestion is if you are feeling out of balance you can be in solitude for a while, or you can face situation as per best of your skill