Caught Up and fused.

again in the progress trap. so few weeks back I started to focus on the social thing. at some point I thought it would be a great idea to study the subject and educate myself. and I engage in the process and put it in the priority X. no exercise is justified. I read book after book. they were pulling me. so far so good.

the problem occur when I lost the question itself. why I was doing it !! and is it helping me to solve that. instead it start to become like running. there is sort of rush in it. but that trek has been lost. and running is taking me further from the road itself. emotion and feeling has taken the driving seat. this deceptive illusion of progress is very dangerous.

the another interestingly harmful thing is I am fusing myself with the content I am reading. like this book is part of me. trying to defend verses and observation of author. agreeing without questioning, even defending. this isn’t a healthy approach. the problem is anxiety and emotion clutches the intellect. sometime the concept that I know and practice seems new when I am reading.

although I guess the good thing is this ability to catch this trap is getting better. I think till before yesterday I knew the question and direction of quest, I lost it yesterday and I am aware of it today. pretty good.