Chapter #10 relationships.
The need of relationships - Imagine, you have an emotional tank inside yourself. It gets filled when you have a positive interaction with someone and it gets empty when you have a negative interaction. There is a small hole in the bottom of this tank so if you isolate yourself competely, the tank start to drip and empty by itself. The more empty this tank is the more need of relationship we have. The more fuller it is the more balanced you feel.
By the virtue of receprocity, we fill this tank. Authenticity, valnureblity and love fills it. Judgement, advice, and disrespect empties it. The closer the relationships is, stronger the effect is.
What we really looking for is love and respect. It can come from outside or inside. When we find love inside ( self love ) the need of emotional tank ends, when we get attached to outer love or acceptance. It creats the strong need.
The types of relationships - when we are emotionally balanced and has no strong need from others, we start to share our love with others without any strong expactation. This is a loving realtionship. When we feel insecure and has a strong need of love inside, we start to control other person. This is a controlling relationship.
Controlling relationships are abusive, judgemental, and disrespectful, and quickly drain your emotional tank. Loving relationships are light, respectful and uplifting and fills your emotional needs quickly.
The phases of relationships - a new realtionship start with sometime at ease of resonance and sometimes with kind of awakwardness. Which slowly ease into the comfort. And if there is mutual affection and a need. It turns into a romantic relationship. If there is mutual affection and need it moves into an intimate phase turns into a romantic relationship, when there is mutual affection but no need. Then turns into a friendship. Sometimes connection doesn’t happen. You find out other person is on the different frequency. You find out and let go.
Although one peice of advice, somebody has to lead the relationship into the next phase.
It is a skill that you can learn.
Trap of acceptance -
When we are out of emotional balance, there comes the need of acceptance
the kind of relationships - based on different level of depth. Relationship comes in different packages. Family, partner, friend, colleagues, stranger… what really differentiate one relationship with another is the depth of that relationship.
craft your social life - take a step back, and see how much emotional need you have. The more mature you are the less need you have, if you find yourself, in desperate need of love, improve your maturity and than design how much stimulation you need.
there is something called too much social life. Beyond a point there is not much you can do.
There are two sources to fill this tank, one is
What are your emotional needs ?
Emotional receprocity is the center piece of a realtionship. When we engage with another soul. that engagement has the power to induce different emotional states inside us. That emotional states trigger the voice inside our head. If this mechanism of receprocity isn’t inside you. You wouldn’t even talk to anyone. Have you ever felt the need to talk to trees? Why not? Because there is no receprocity.
The nature of emotions are transient and imparmanent. When we attach to it we suffer.
In essenece, two different people has two different worlds inside their head. When we are mature and understand what we believe in our head isn’t neccesarly true. Relationships are fun. When we are not mature enough to understand our beliefs aren’t neccesarly truth but the function of conditioning, we try to control other people and try to align them with what we believe is true. This becomes controlling relationship.
The more need we have about relationships the easier it becomes to be manuplated.