Chasing a selfish desire.

Last 2 weeks back of my head, I had a goal that I want to build a romantic relationship. Because I believe I had a need. This very desire poisoned all the conversations with neediness and closeness.

If I have a selfish desire. I must go through a process of tyranny and stress. Figuring our how to get that. And I end up in this trap of being released from it.

The very desire itself counteract the effectiveness. And I become close and mean about what I want to get it. And than I stop living until I get that.

The lure is the object and its promise of happiness, the chase is the fall from haven to hell and desire to be released. Getting object is releases. And than getting rid of it because it can not really fill.