Competing.

When I desire something it unbalance me, and then there is this idea that I am better than everyone else. When I see something like someone is working in Europe or having a very beautiful girlfriend wearing heels and tight clothes. It unbalances me, now I justify to make sure that I am better than them by telling how they will fail in future and get divorced. How they are fucking up in other areas like career maybe, denylin the experience and proving i am wrong. This whole process evoke when I see something that I want.

Interestingly I start the process concoiously, I check what other people are doing, with an inticipitory sensation and than I feel shllaow sensation or backward sensation, and then I justify the whole thing.

I mainly compete on things I lack and I compete with everyone on the planet with that sharat on girlfriend.

If I am doing better than someone in some area, I disrespect them, even make fun of them.

If I agree I feel like a shit.

On the subtler level I try to win the argument in my head, by protecting the norms of my world and forcing it on others. When someone challanges I try to dismiss them, redecule them, prove them wrong, I also advice other people. But do not listen what they are saying.

it start with an anticipatory sensation, chest is tightening up, and if I see someone doing better than me, I feel fear which is hallowness and backward sensation, then I try to justify which creates maybe shooting sensation, now I feel disoriented and after some time I am back to normal. There is a residue left that I will not let it happen again. Ofcourse frequency increases.

this is endless.

I compete on partner, doing Job in foreigne countries, wealth, looks, happy moments. Better you tube channel.

People are either trying to get some approval Bhai uploading images, or winning the competition.

The actually is an opportunity to grow, if someone is better than you. You should know how they are doing it. Ask them, this will let them win and you get the information you needed.

On the meta level it is the fear and it is same.