duality of behavior !

it seems like there is no way we can alter our behavior. it is a singular thing. so I walk around street hatred in my heart. judging every passing person thinking how stupid and miserable he is. and I start to feel inferior. than I did a good dead for someone out of spontaneous love and I felt loved and worthy. I see a person trying and struggling and my heart appreciated his attempts, and I start to feel gratitude for myself. I don’t know where I read it, but it feels very true. “we all serve from the single bowl”.

kindness and hatred can not stay at the same time. just like clarity and confusion can not be present at the same moment. these qualities are singular, so If you are kind, you are kind for others as well as for your self. you can’t do it in isolation. if you are judging other, you are bound to feel inferior or superior. see how comparison leads us in the wrong direction.

change the one and other would follow and may be it is possible to go the other way round. but to me it seems like it starts with oneself. and the progress can be measured by observing other side.

cultivating the four immeasurable ( loving kindness, compassion, empathetic joy, equanimity ), seems like a greatest teaching from buddha to cure self loathing, ego and other spiritual wounds.