Flourishing relation with mom.

Yesterday I called home, reluctantly. I kind of new the response that would be waiting after I will tell them I am going to Delhi and then meditation from Bangalore.

Papa told me they it would be nice that we should check mom. I didn’t like the indirect idea of indirect communication through me, when I know there is a strong tension between mom and Bhai/Prachi. I replied with integrity and papa become defensive, I asked him to ask bhai first. And after a while papa got it. And than mom took the phone. I didn’t like the disrespect of it.

She started to do her non verbal emotional denial thing. Withdrawing herself from conversation. And I poked her further. And she brusted. Throwing extreme emotions and poision and she hooked my attention.
I didn’t like the way she talked to me, with so much disrespect.

She was fundamentally giving me negative feedback, around I am a bad person because i don’t do what she says. She said to phir alag alag hi rahte hain. Tumhe ho ye anhote jo mediation air je kar rahe ho. She start to blame me, instead of saying anything regarding why, an extreme disapproval and judgement. she also mentioned why don’t you come to our house, just like Akhil, there was a backdrop, if you don’t come that means you don’t love us. I usually find myself speechless in these scenarios, she also mentioned I am the only one who thinks about you. Aur kon hai. Why other people don’t do it is her main argument.

Like a virus, It stayed with me and I don’t like that. I don’t like disrespect, ego, control, manuplation, lies, fear. I don’t like the virus. I also don’t like the obligation to call every other day. No matter how rude she is. What she do is not fair in my mind, and its an emotional wound.

Now I know she is afraid, suffering, and without proper care will lead to deeper hell. I also know even If I want I can not do anything for her. Even if i can help there is no help until she desires to be helped. If I tolerate her behaviour. It is just reinforcement.

My reactions are coming from place of fear and anger and they are not coming from love and she will be what she is. It is my job to lead her in the good direction. There will be no one left behind. She is the one who needs most love. But that does not mean she can say what