glitches.

there are few things that are contributing a lot of unease and disharmony in my life. unconsciously they are hurting my dignity, integrity and creating inner turmoil. all because I never considered it as a problem worth looking at and make a geniune effort. and also fear.

assertiveness - I am not talking about humiliating someone. I am talking about asserting yourself as man. a leader. not like a defensive pussy I have become. yes it is true. I am insanely defensive when I talk to someone specially my colleagues these days like they will hurt me. I let people with far less knowledge and understanding run all over me. and it has cost me a lot on every front.

on the other hand I have always done a job of true leader. forging my paths, taking risks, going out alone in the unknown. showing up and leading when things are messy. I am not asking to display it. humility is great. but ask the questions, lead conversations the way you like it but learn to be assertive. show your authentic self fearlessly, I am the guy I respect the most.

women - the fear, the discomfort, the sense of unentitlement. it is a natural want. it’s not like I am really bad at it. but I never understood the whole game, or care to. this is one of the most teasing glitch and blocker I face. this is something I need to seriously work on. and do it now.

authentic in social settings - this is again the extension of that assertiveness issue, I don’t lead, or drive the whole thing. while I am the leader internally. most of the time I have the most interesting thoughts and experience, infect a great sense of humor. but these walls of fears has to go down.

because of these kind of social awkwardness generally I have to settle down for way less than I deserve in everything. I need to learn to express myself proudly as I am, infront of even complete strangers. put it simply men up.