introverted and shy

I identify myself as an introvert and that was my refuge of being socially awkward and shy lately.

even though it is possible that introverts also share traits like shyness but that doesn’t gives them a permission of staying away from people. and be ok with it.

I can remember so many occasion in my life where I was clearly afraid of social interactions. I was just afraid. one of clear occasion was tushita retreat’s last day about 6 months ago. that was the last day of 10 days silent retreat. total 50 people were there a lot of westerners ( seems to me very comfortable with making conversation with new peoples ). I was nervous, everyone was joining groups asking god knows what to each other. I was not comfortable in the scene so eat my food and quickly went back to pack my stuff. spent some time in library hiding from people and telling myself I don’t really have to talk to anyone.

so what could have been better approach then run away from the situation. I was not feeling good there. and making conversation doesn’t smoothing out the situation either i guess it would have been even more awkward. tuff yet better approach would have been to sit there in discomfort without too much trying ( more on that in other post ).

but things have changed a lot in last 6 months, with constant traveling and meditation ( mediation is a magic pill here ). I’ve made some serious progress. it seems like now people are smiling when I look at them, discussing private emotions/ victories/ issues, welcoming conversation and I enjoy it a lot.

introvertism is way of life and I am an introvert in my heart. I love solitude I felt much alive and comfortable there, I admire depth, meaning and purpose. I love the whole deal. i could not imagine better way of living for myself.

but shyness is just a quality and could be cultivated or abandoned with experience and practice.