Job.

after working 9 months. which i believe was a fair trade. I sincerly hope this was my last job. there are certain good thing about job. learning skill. social enviornment. and a good steady payment is not a bad trade. specially if learning skill and money is most desirable barter for the current circumstances. but by design it promote buffer. it also buy certain kind of luxury that one might not need but feels good to have. on the other side it has some significant disadvantage.

freedom - If I was not doing job I might have attended several retreat. but this is not an option. the barter is too strict. it is x amount of hour for y amount of wage. and it is very fair. but for some people who knows the value of freedom. it is just not available for barter. specially once you know you have limited time, it’s just not an option.

meaning - I like programming. I know how it feels to be engrossed in something. but just being engaged in something is not meaningful. what would be more engaging than playing vedio games but meaninglessness is to hard to bear.

people - the most valuable lesson of working was this. at last turing my attention to reality of outer world. games, hypocracy, politics, aggresion, manuplation, power. all these are the cunning nature of soical reality. and then you have to fit in. play as teamplayer. justify your thoughts. play the game. judged, nagged, compariosn. follow the template. subtle. someone else will decide what is right for you. he will be the judge of your future. it is just the reality of being human. but as I have a choice I would like to live it other way. knowing my own naivety in the matter was the best lesson I learnt here. and there is something about decent people who have decided to work for the rest of life without ever rattling their cage, feels like compromised soul. like a soul of a slave. things they say are not their own words. concept they cherish were never tested by them. a conversation feels lifeless and suggestion feels meaningless. than there was my inabilty to express myself and discomfort of talking to new people. may be I did only interact with people that I found comfortable and not so challanged around.

for me, there is a lot to learn about the sociality.