Letter to Lin.

Monkey,

I can’t tell you how much I enjoy my time with you. Your simplicity, caring and giving attitude, surprises, holding my arm, intimacy, late mornings, your english, dinners… You putting your heart whether it is cooking or kissing make everything so much more warm and I love that.

I loved mornings where we spent so much time together, your head resting on my shoulder and beautiful smile on your face. I loved your cooking lunches, careful listening and feedback you give me all the time :)

You never asked for anything but always keep giving which ofcourse feels good but sometime it makes me think that you keep perosnal problems to your self. And even if you don’t like anything that I am doing you wouldn’t tell me.

You asked me before why I stopped communicating with you. And I gave an answer which I don’t feel fully justify and you also ask me several time about the relationship conversation we had in our questionaoir, so let me try it again :)

There were 2 main reasons, one I want you to explore when you travel, go out with more people, experience more. There are so many monkeys out there, build some good relationship, some bad and learn. and if you continue the converstaion with me you will have a very good excuse to not do any of this.

The second is I want to explore the life myself also. At this point I just want to fully emmersed and learn from whatever the experince life is bringing. Even if I really really like something I still want to let go and see whatelse life has to offer.

And then message and phones are simply not same as being physically close. You can’t see someone smiling on the message or hug them, and without real closeness it doesn’t feel same.

There is another similar question you asked about I want to experince relationship but I don’t that came up in our questioner

The truth is I don’t have much experience in relationship, maybe becasue of indian upbringing or whatever the reason is, until couple of years back I used to have a lot of trouble to talk to other people let alone the girls, I was fairly shy, introverted, and like to live in my own world.

Because of my introverted nature and strong inclination toward work I never really get into the close relationship. But at the same time I feel natural urge to be in a close relationship.

Although I met with many people this year but I couldn’t see someone I want to be close with. It amaze me that there are very very few people like you in this world who has such a big heart, it is such a shame that you judge yourself based on some petty criterias.

You might have notice I don’t cares too much about sex or short term pleasures but I strongly feel I need more experince and maturity when it comes to close intimate relationships.

It is as, the time spent with you brought the colours in my life. I don’t know if we get to see each other again but certainly I feel thankful that you crossed by my life.