movement.

I am going through a process. I am feeling quite relaxed and and reading and writing. something about it feels right. and I can not see clearly where it is taking me. but it just feels right. that’s all I got.

I am quite prone to feel bad when something is slightly out of place. when something is not making sense. but in this case I am not feeling that bad and I have sort of social goal. but you know the energies are not coming out of that goal. I sincerely don’t care that much. or may be I do.

the question I am struggling with. is there a part of me who knows what is right or wrong. who knows what I suppose to do. and if it is there how does it communicate to me. how do I know this is the place where I need to put my anchors down. or is it just the logical exploration of observing what works and what not in the world. and choosing.

the default of anchors has to be on the ego. because what else is trustworthy. the foundation of everything is the social apperisal. becuase how do you know if anything is true. the more certain whoever looks the more people follow. the more certain someone is, the shoallower he has to be. how else he would be certain.

but I do feel guilt, fear and pride. what is the difference, they are all feelings isn’t it. but something in me knows how to interpreted them. there is a code inbuilt in me. but having a public speaking fear is wrong. so how do you know it’s not outdated. something in me knows that this code is outdated. again is this all just observing your sourrounding and learning. someday I feel good, someday I am not. why ?

something inside me is driving me. why don’t I just sit at home. or do a job. something in me is searching something.

it all can not be passive otherwise everybody would be same. there has to be an active agent. is there just one or many ? and what he suppose to be doing. beacuse social appersial can not be the foundation. it is more of a
fallback.