Negotiation #3. Don’t feel the pain label it.
How can you separate people from the problem when their emotions are the problem. They pricesily label their and others emotions and once they do it they can talk about them without getting wound up. A relationship b/w negotiator and counterpart is thurapatic.
It looks like you don’t want to come out, it seems like you are worried that if you open the doors we will come blazing with gun, it looks like you don’t want to go to jail..
Playing dumb is ligitmate negotiation technique and I don’t understand is a ligit response.
Tactical empathy is understanding the feeling and mindset of another in the moment, and also hearing what is behind those feeling. They know if they empthaise they can mold their audience. Empathy is not about agreeing with other person its about understanding them, it helps to understand other person position why their action make senes to them and what might move them.
Labeling, we employed our tactical empathy by recognizing and then verbalizing the predictable emotion of the situation. Give someone’s emotion a name and you show you have identified with how that person feels. Labeling has special advantage when your counterpart is tense.
The first step of labeling is detecting the other person’s word, tone, body language, words, music and dance. Once you spotted the emotion next is speak out loud, label can prhase as statement or question. Downward or upward infletion. It seems like, it sounds like. It looks like.. it doens’t use I as I get other people guard up. The last rule of labeling is silence. Once you have thrown out the label just be quiet and listen, we all have tendency to expand on what we have said. The label power is that it invites other person to reveal himself.
Neutralize the negative, Reinforce the positive. Labeling is how negotiator identify and then alter the inner voice. Presenting behavior and underlying emotions. Grumpy grandpa. Cranky, sense of loneliness. Lebeling negative diffuse them positive reinforce them. Lebeling anger is helpful tactic to de-escalate. By mentioning the negative dynamics I knew I had defuse as much as I could, instead of addressing his grumpy behavior you acknowledge his sadness in a non-judgmental way. Once you have labeled and brought into open, the negative reaction in your counterparts amygdila will begin to soften up.
If you worried about the role play in front of class, let me tell you it is going to be horrible. On the other hand I don’t want to make it sound harsh, this small but critical mistake is denying the negative.
The first step to disarm your counterpart is listing every terrible things your counterpart could say about you. The abc company negotiation write down every single accusation with anticipatory accusition.
GET a seat. Following on the heels of an argument is a great position for negotiator because your counterpart is desperate for an empathic connection. Smile and you are already an improvement.
Make it as extension to natural connection as compare to artificial conversation, it feels good to know other side is listening and acknowledging our situation. They are emotional best practice.
Imagine yourself in counterpart shoes, empathy doesn’t demand agreement but acknowledgement. The reason why your counterpart will not agree are more powerful so focus first on clearing the barrier. Pause, after you label the barrier or mirror the statement, let it sink. Other party will fill the slience. Label your counterpart fear to diffuse them. List the worst thing other person can say about you, say them before they say. Remember you are dealing with person who wants to appreciated and understood.