Negotiation #4. Be aware yes, master No.
Scripted chart designed to cut off your escape route it funnels you down to the path of no exit but yes. You feel like your muscles are tightening, your voice go defensive. You feel like prey and you are. At the end of the day yes is often a meaningless answer, the hides deeper objection ( maybe even worse ), for negotiation No is pure gold. It clearify what you really want by eliminating what you don’t want.
The negotiator played the role of bully, conciliator, enforcer, savior, confessor, instigator, peacemaker.
A trap into which many people fall is to take what other people says literally. I saw the word No, so direct and clear wasn’t so simple. Her no was just the gateway to yes.I notice often when I said no I was open to hear what he had to say. Having protected to myself I could relax and more easily consider the possibility. NO is the start of negotiation. People need to feel in control. We will fight to the death to preserve the right to say no. So give that right to them env. Will become more constructive.
You have to retrain yourself to hear No as something other than rejection. And consider one of the alternative meaning, I am not ready to agree, you are making me feel uncomfortable, I do not understand. I don’t think I can afford it…. after pause ask, what about this doesn’t work.
Persuade in their world, when the person is all me, me, me with the all the yes strategies, the people on the other side will politely even ignore this Superman by saying yes. They will wassel out later by changing conditions, budget issues, the weather. For now they just want to be released.
There are actually 3 kinds of yes, counterfeit, confirmation, commitment. A counterfeit yes is where your counterpart wants to say no, but say yes as an easier escape. Or even for disingenuously to keep the conversation going. Confirmation yes is generally innocent yes, a reflexive response to the black and white question. It is simple affirmation with no agreement that leads to the action. The commitment yes is what you want.
Good negotiator knows that their job is not to put on a great performance but to gently guide the counterpart to discover their goal as his own.
I was feeling great about listening to him and then carefronting him. They should be congratulating them self not you. The whole call was about me and my ego not the caller. They have to feel that they are coming with the solution. They must feel as if they are equally responsibilie if not solely.
If we believe we can control or manage others decision with logic or compromise we are leaving millions on the table. But while we can’t control others decision we can influence them by inhabiting their world and seeing and hearing exactly what they want.
There are two primal need, need to be safe and secure and need to be in control. Primal needs are urgent and illogical so arguing with them just going to push for counterfeit yes. An early yes is just a cheap and counterfeit dodge early creates the safe haven to final yes of commitment.
The sooner you say no, you are willing to see opinions and opportunity. Saying no makes people feel as they have protected themself and now now see an opportunity slipping away.
One great way when someone is not listening is to mislabel emotions or desire, so it looks like you are eager to leave the job.
When you got totally ignored one of the best way to get the answer have you given up on the project? It plays on the aversion of loss. It gives the illusion of control and encourages them to define their position and explain it to you. No one likes to be aboden.
Think of these methods as anti niceness triggering no peals away the plastic yes.
No is not a failure, it means wait I am not comfortable. Yes is the final goal not the starting position. Saying no makes speaker safe, secure and in control. You can force no by mislabeling their emotion or desires, negotiate in their world not by brute force but by influencing, if your counterpart is ignoring you contact with no-oriented question have you given up on the question.