Negotiation #7. Calibrated question
The successful negotiation ask your counterpart to do the work, suggest the solution, It involve giving him the illusion of control while you are the one who is defining the conversation. Calibrated question, open ended question this allow you auto introduce ideas and request without sounding pushy. You can’t leave. What are you hoping to achieve by leaving.
If you negotiation effort don’t reach team behind the counterpart then you have hope based deal and hope is not a strategy.
If we made an ask and they granted we’d own. If we ask directly to talk to hostage they will say no. And we were afraid of being embarrassed.
What we are doing was basically we want them to see things our way, they want us to see their way. All the negotiation done well should be information gathering process.they just give us the proof of life now they are expecting something in return as the rule of reciprocity. All our communication became these paralyzed confrontation where two people want something but doesn’t want to give. What other person was able to get was the communication without reciprocity.
SUSPEDED UNBELIEF. The kidnepper asked dug, How do I know if she is alright. Well I will put her on the phone. He asked the open ended question yet calibrated that forced other person to actually stop and think about how to solve the problem. It’s how question, how angages because asks for the help. And it doesn’t trigger recprocity, the guy on the phone think it is his idea, he think he is in control.
Unbelief is active resistance to what other party is saying complete rejection where the two party starts the negotiation. If you can get the other party to drop their unbelief, you can slowly work towards your point of view. You don’t presuade to see your ideas but you take them to ride.
Giving your counterpart the illusion of control by asking calibrated question by asking for the help is one of the most powerful tool for suspending the belief. He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable has discovered teh most valuable secret of negotiation. Instead of what you need you can describe what you are looking for and ask for the help. How am I suppose to do that?
Asking for help after you have already been engaged in a dailouge is an incridbly powerful negotiation technique.
CALIBRATE YOUR QUESTION. Like the softening words like perhaps, maybe, calibrated open-ended question takes the aggression out of the confrontation statement. They allow you to introduce request and ideas without being too pushy. You have to design the question that will ease the conversation in that direction while letting the other think it is his choice to take you there.
Calibrated question avoids the verbs can, is. They lead to close ended question they start with reported question how and what. Why is generally looks acussory. You can use what and how to calibrate any question. How does it look to you. What cause you to do that. Use calibrated question early and often.
The implication of calibrated question is that you want what other person wants but you need his intellegence to overcome the problem. This appeals to egoistic counterpart.
It is the first step in your counterparts internalizing your way and its obstacle. It makes your counterpart they are incharge when you are the one framing the conversation.
Without self control and emotional regulation you can’t do that.
This is the listener’s judo which is using counterpart power to get to your objective.