new year 2015

moved to pune hanging out with akhil here. went to kolad for new year celebration. which was all in all a decent experience. natural place, bonfire, people around you partying, singing, high and having good time ( i guess ). i believe the whole idea behind the activity was to forget about everything else for a while express heart fully. but it is very heart breaking to see when this turns into my dick is bigger than your dick situation. when it turns into an opportunity to show off and i totally get it. it feels good. infect it feels better than anything else, isn’t this feel like power. domination a perfect high for ego-centric individual. and the problem is in order to feel this you need to make sure others feel like shit.

one of the thing i could not help but notice that how many peoples were uncomfortable there, trying so hard to make sure people won’t think they were wiredo, trying to sing along when every fabric of there body is denying.
laughing on clearly mean jokes just because majority of others are doing the same.

I was also constantly getting on and off (a kind of sweet struggle) with being myself and what people would think about me. and I’m not really seeing much of the point in celebration personally. specially the one that is going on these days. I think I am not that stressful and doesn’t feel like releasing some jammed up energies.

I don’t feel the need to judge people. it’s more of I don’t care that much anymore. and I hope someday I would feel compassion in these situation.

it looks like I am getting better in expressing my heart.