NSTB- #1 New Rule.
A flash of panic came and passed away. I am sorry Robert How do I know he is even alive? [ the open ended question | calibrated question ]. It buys you time? Give your counterpart illusion of control. Without knowing how constrained they are by it. The farme changes from how I would respond to how he would handle the situation. For every threat and demand I continue to ask How I suppose to do that. And know my child is alive.
Andy would throw out an offer with airtight explanation and I will respond with some version of how I suppose to do that? The question I was asking seems to insinuate that the other side is dishonest and unfair. That was enough to make them falter and negotiate with them self. Answering my Calibrated question requires deep emotional strength and tactical psychological insight.
It is a passive aggrasive approach, I just ask same 3-4 open ended question over and over again.
In short without a deep understanding of human pychology without the accptance that we are all crazy, irrational, impulsive, emotional animal all the logic and intellegence is useless. We are always acting and reacting first and foremost from our deepest fear, needs, perception and desires. Their theory was built on false edifice of rationality
The getting to yes system is,
- separate person from the emotion.
- don’t get wrapped up in other side position what they are asking for.
- focus on their why they are asking for
- work co-operatively to create the win-win situation.
If you know how to affect your counterparts system 1 thinking by how you frame and deliver the questions you can guide his system2 rationality. Hostage taker was in a emotional crisis and has no clear demand.
Listening is the cheapest. Yet the most effective method. Listening intensely negotiator demonstrate empathy. TACTICAL EMPATHY. While Ivy League taught math and economy we became experts in empathy.
Everyday negotiation depends on I want. It serves two distinct vital function information gathering and behaviour influence.
The first step is to get over your aversion to negotiation. You don’t need to like it, you just need to understand that’s how the world work. It simply means playing the emotional game human. Sociaity is setup for.