On relationships with Lin.

As I spent last couple of weeks with lin, somewhat unplanned, in one way i enjoyed it at another level it affected many aspect of my regular life. As everything doing first time. There is ton to be learn.

What I enjoy the most is this companionship. Having someone to hold close and kiss feels very good. Talking and praising each other. Cooking breakfast. It effectivly kill that senes of loneliness I sometime experince. Seeing her smile at you, calling You name, making her smile. Late mornings. She bringing food for me. Her simple nature. It also freed from the desire to constantly trying to build the relationship with other people.

Sex and intimacy was kind of challanage as I was learning it myself. Second in one way I personally i don’t watch porn and moved away from it on weekly basis. As I also value bramhcharya. Then I didn’t like my mind to wonder in the realm of wierd fetishes. And lastly I really don’t like imagining while having sex. This is the area I would like to have more clarity on. What and how much I want and set the proper guideline.

It severely affected my daily routine. It affected how I sleep, as when I sleep alone I slept deeply, as an effect I have to sleep in office many time, it affected mediation routine, I continued doing meditations but as we play in the morning I had postponed daily practice. Or sometime when I don;t have a sleep the practice was quite dull or somewhat placeholder than doing it with real enthusiasm. It affected other routine as well, like basic grooming routine, sleeping late. Eating extra food. But as I was adopting, sleep seems to improve, and with some more attention I can adjust other areas of life.

There was a very little friction, most of the time I suggested something and she welcomed it, and she demanded very little to nothing. Or said thing which I like to hear. So ofcourse the friction was minimum. On the other hand I might have entered her boundaries several time. Sometime she mentioned I abondended her or she needed off time, probably an off shoot of her anger over the yoga class, it wasn’t deep but I felt the unease. She speaks a little, doesn’t mean she don’t think about all these stuff. Ofcourse she do. These kind of conflict makes the heart sting. Her attraction sometime towards me seems to drop when I said soemthing and do something else.

Now there is the fork on the road ahead. She is leaving next week. And there is a goodbye coming the question is how to end it. How to use this data and what to look forward at.