QA #10

Q- I am keep telling myself in my mind things like. I am not confused anymore. see I know deeply who am I and all, like I am done with this search

this is although unclear but interesting question. do I really know myself. do I really know what thoughts are? do I know structure of emotions. at one level I actually know these constructs and their impermanent nature. I also know the lack of control over subconscious level ( i kind of resist to use this term )
and I know my helplessness against it. but this knowing ( on subconscious level ) needs to be strong. it kind of get deflated fast. a regular practice is essential without a question.

but on the other hand this was my exclusive companion from some time. and I am feeling like I have reached a certain saturation point. some other avenue for me is now open. like to live, tweak and experience outwardly. test your internal strength by outward challenge.

sitting in a cushion and observing thoughts, feeling emotions seems like an essential beginner practice to get in touch with reality and exercise to be sane. now the next promise in the practice of meditation is the joy of default. which seems like a great promise. but I am more interested in growing multidimensionally at this point. and I also think this is somewhat prerequisite for the other level. you have an essential foundation. and I know very well the feeling before I really hit the unknown bush. infect this is my greatest strength.