Relationship #conflict me forcing her.
Yesterday there was a conflict between me and Lin. She worked hard to cook paratha, I had it and then I had my milk and then I wrote the post and I was hurring up for her to watch the movie. I created the plan for movie in the morning and she seems to be happy. I smelled her hair and become intrusive, her face turned a little angry like someone intruded her space too deep and then she said in angry tone you should do all the work and then you will see. The conversation turned crucial, and I retreated in silence, making her feel regretted. Then she came to bed and I close the laptop and cancel the plan for the movie. And then became silent. She tried to make up a little and then started to silently crying. I was still pushing hard on her and talked less ask her more and be silent. I was a little selfish.
She also mentioned I take few things for granted. like I am shutting down the computer because of the lazy ness.
Her line of thinking was I might regret being here.
In the morning there was non-verbal cuddles and kisses, repairs, and then we talked about it, I explained her the situation and then she laughed kissed the whole body and played with me.
She also gave me information that she didn’t like when I scratch or force her to hurry up or wear bikini or ask her to do several sexual things.
The underlying challenge is she is compainced so it is easy to intrude her boundaries when playing. And I was dominating the shared dream, because of my desires. She doesn’t want to SM I want to so I force her, without making her agreed, this ofcourse will breed resentment, she doesn’t want to go to yoga class but because of me and then resentment.
There is another kind of force that weekly and daily plan, to make her self deciliplined. Which is good for her and it is ok. It is this domination out of selfish desires without at least conveicning her first.
I catched the moment of crucial conversation. I could have restore the safety by apologizing which is saying I respect you I made a mistake and fix the misunderstanding by contrasting. I should not stonewall.
From her side she could have either speak on disagreement. And contribute if she doesn’t want to do something. Her signs of voilation are subtle.
Conflicts and problems are inevitable and you must solve the solvable and discuss the unsolveable. Either catch them and restore safety on the spot or repair.