Relationship Polarization.

Yesterday night I was talking to Lin about what makes the relationship good, that we need to compromise, and then she said she doesn’t like all these questions, All it needs is heart, no thinking, I will pay penny, then I felt sleepy and she left.

We talked about the sickness and having someone to take care of. sharing and giving.

In the morning I cut the crap and ask her about did you sleep etc, and her answer was I don’t like all this and I came to tell you all this. No girl like it, You tell me to do it and say it is dull.

She is speaking from the place of pain and frustration towards life in general, she was thinking about all this from a lot of time, and came to conclusion that the reason of her unhappiness is me. she is clearly speaking from the place of unhappiness. and saying and doing all this is not going to help her.

To me this relationship is not important. I like it but from the place of just like it. I am not putting effort to solve anything here. I am doing codility instead of focusing on this.

Can I marry her or commit full time to her. No.

This relationship is becoming toxic. She is not getting what she want and I am doing it not because I want to but out of politeness, and being in relationship is affecting both of us in a negative way, she needs to find a man for her, and I need to work on my mind.

Then why we are doing it, because it is easy and gives the cheap comfort than facing the harsh reality of truth. and going to unkown. You know well the right decision for her is certainly to end this. and right decision for me is similar as well.

I know at this point she is angry and later she will regret, speaking in this way. and try to repair it. and it will continue.

You will be left alone and you will not know what is ahead. and probably will not feel good. she will feel even bigger shock. and you know things passes and eventually we will not remember each others name, just like I forgot name of namarata. What you can not do is call her back because now you feel alone.

There is nothing self degrading than taking a decision and then switching it around. and you know it is better that you do it with dignity and maturity.