Relationship, Therapy, Lin.
In the therapy, we started on the topic of relationship. I am in this relationship from last 2 years, and the decision of wether to continue or separate is being dragged, which is nither good for her nor good for me.
One of the thing that bothers me is her abortion. I don’t think it was intentionally, but level of carelessness, after that she separated from last boyfriend. but how does it make you feel. I don’t know how to feel about it, but it does not belong to my world. what is this world. It is something uncomfortable to accept. Have you talked about it. We exchanged the mail but than we never really talk deeply. You should talk more deeply.
More than this abortion, It bothers me that her health is not good. Her physical health is amazing but I am afraid of her emotional blockage. Is she lack of energy all the time, Kind of, with me she is always happy, but clearly lack of energy, indigestion etc. She has gone through the bad childhood, father death, and abortion. Generally these are the symptoms of truma.
My worry is if your body health is not good than you feel irritated and annoyed, and I do not expect that all the sudden she will be free of it.
How about intemacy, we are not doing sex, basic intemacy is there. I don’t want to do it because of meditation it affects and I have read a lot, For her it is important. more important than just pleasure aspect of it, it is as if what is the difference between couples and friends if we don’t do the sex.
Then we wrote the pros and cons.
I like that the relationship gives support. I go home and food is cooked and someone greets you with a smile. I can also play my part. Than I feel social needs being met in terms of not feeling lonely, kind of love and affection feels good, there is a sharing expect where I can share things about what happened today with her. Than I see this setting is more stable in the sense.
There is also fear of being alone as a possibilities, and if I let her go not being able to find other suitable partner or just going through that grind. Then there is a fear of breaking up having cost in terms of emotional damage to her and me and it will not be easy to wipe out all these memory we created together.
We know each other fairly well, or I guess so, and it is a good match, she does things I like, I do things that she likes, It is not easy to find such match. I have dated other people who are not close to her in the sense of this match. It takes a lot of effort to build relationship to this length. And then I am seeing how other people are doing things around me, and it is horrifying.
In the cons section. The most troubling aspect is the most likely challenges I will have to face in the terms of coming future because of her health. and things turning around, I will have to take care of her. Than there is this lack of personal space, if I am not with her than I can do 3hrs of meditations and if I am with her I will have to compromise. Another problem is the compromise of the freedom in the sense I can become monk If I want to at this point but If I am in a relationship than it is a different story. Than there is a forced family relationship. If I am in relationship with her than I will have to be in relationship with her mom as well.
So what do you think is the problem?
At one hand I have soical support and social need that is being met on the other hand I need to compromise the freedom and personal space.
At one hand if I get into relationship I need to compromise on meditation and If I focus on meditation I need to compromise on the relationship.
In one hand there is a good match, and get cooked food, know her well, like being around her, on the other hand there are likely consequences that I have to face with her in the future.
Are you willing to make the choice of likely consequences in the future, for getting all the belonging, sharing etc?
I think not, I think I am fairly selfish in the sense I don’t want to take up on other people’s problem, and unless that selfishness gets dissolved there is no point. I will suffer. I will have to do things which I don’t really want to most likely.
Another point is at one level I don’t care about these feeling so much, and they are not so permanent. At one level everything was so good, another point it was not, and another point it was opposite of good. It is not a static comparison.