Retro #3.

The meditation practice is instead of meditation I am flowing with the wind of thoughts. In the absence of my own clarity as a rock to sail on, Others acceptance was taking its place, I kept getting into the junction of learning it or take it personally. the mental attitude or internal narrative was poor.

Konark said some good things, some bad, I was too busy to pick up the bad ones and ignoring the bad ones. it is fairly predictable from the noise that how will it react to the real situation.

so first thing is keep the meditation tight. and train this mental attitude. it is belief and judgement system. change underlying belief. see how it goes.