Social Recalibration - Romatic Relationship.

I enjoy walking with her. holding my arms, Holding my hand, happy about it, her expression of self. She playing with me, she is writing letter to me, bringing things for me, Wanting to help me.

She is crying, smiling, wanting to kiss me, acting like a child, non-verbally showing me how much I matter to her. Verbally telling me things she love about me. Opening up with me. Sending me messages indirectly asking for attention. Little dependent on me.

It feels good to see and greeted by someone, to see you matter to someone, a whole lot. kisses, hugs they feel good. Intimacy And then there is sex.

Separation spears the heart but then like everything it passes away. There is a habit of renumarating memories especially as they were pleasent.

Being in a relationship demand attention and time and sacrifices. Not being able to sleep properly. And then my consensus of giving more than taking her out twice a week and then need of perfection to keep it fun.

There is also fun in novelty, but then everything becomes very familiar. And it losses it charm.

I couldn’t sleep, I have to ejacul. More often than I want to. Anything that I was unsure of, seems to be sacrificed. It affected my routines. It creates regular disturbances. It capped the freedom. The things I was sure of I didn’t sacrifice at all. Meditation, ofcourse the quality get affected.

Then she was angry at me and said she want more free time and I abounded her.. it doesn’t feel good does it.

There are things that I want but she doesn’t enjoy maybe some sexual fantasy. In the moment of passion I seems to force them.

Ofcourse there are things that she wants, maybe it was washing my clothes. Which was more that complementory. Maybe there are things she wants, want me to spent time with her mother which I might not like at all.

Once you know what you want and what a relationship is you can set the tone from the beginning.

There are these concepts that she is older than me, she was chiness and all. Which makes me to stay away from the commitment of marriage level.

Finding someone sexual attractive and then acting out of that attraction is not something that I want. It needs to have all the component.

At this moment I am primied to be in a relationship with right boundaries and expectations but not something like marriage.