dilemma

I am living a very wired life these days. I don’t have a clear goal or purpose. refactoring myself is not a purpose in itself that have enough emotions. and I am dissipating my energy in conflicting ways. I am quite empty on what I should do now as well.

the best thing I can do here is to move the needle. but that too need a lot of energy. or I can wait penitently waiting for the right thing. but how can I sit with a burst of energy in me.

the real thing, the very real thing is the self enquiry and knowledge of the interface we are dealing as human being. but this is a very subtle thing. and very easily misunderstood. oh I want to do it and this is what I am trying to do from last 6 months, an year and may be more. as simple as it sound, it’s not something that can be achieved easily. may be this is the hardest thing in the world because of subtlety of it.

experiment atleast for the sake of contact, to move the needle. the problem here is the disharmony failure brings. it might end up leaving myself more disharmonized than when I started. this is pure negative man :)

another thing is this constant bombarding of peoples whether I want or not, people around me every second with their conditioned concept of life comes in the contact. good, bad doesn’t matter but the lie.

Freedom is what I really want. total physiological freedom. but what If it takes the whole life. I am sure it will not take the whole life. but it will take a tremendous time and effort. and than I guess their has to be a threshold, after which it become more dominant. probably tree would grown enough.

you can’t live out of center.