socializing

this is an interesting subject for me. I am somewhat uncomfortable in these situations. words that comes out of my mouth are not so clear. there is a tightness around my heart. there is clear unease in the body and mind. I like the silence and it is judgmentally unaccepted . there is another part of me which is very conscious about offending someone.

but there is also another aspect of it. If I look at the content of talk. It’s usually something I am not interested at all. it is usually meaningless, malicious and sometime very offending.

but what’s the preposition of it, why people do it. I can hardly understand the logic of doing it for fun. it seems like releasing of stress sort of thing. or chasing excitement.

the other angle is to meet and make new friends or strengthen the bond of friendship in informal way. really know each other more deeply. which makes sense. if you are interested in that.

the thing is this is something I can not run away from. occasionally I have to be in this place. and I need to learn to be authentically ok in these situations.