Spiritual recalibration - awareness.

There is increasing sense of awareness of my reflexes when I am experincing low self worth and confusion at one level I know my reactions will be of defensive types and proving. I know when it is angry.

There is a voice that gets angery and I can see it as third person, I still feel very strong urge to continue, and it takes a bit of the effort to just sit down and let it pass. I have done it many times though, sitting in the Ranga Shankar.

Many times I am aware at the moment I am making a move that according the standard I have is not up to the mark, and ofcourse there is self judgement follow after it. Taking more tissues.

While sitting in the vipassana I also observe the acceptance talk, sexual fantasy, calling lin. Should have said that…

In one way I am loosing interest and belief in all that takes place in my mind. most of the time an event occurs. Can I have more tissues. There is a quick understanding, some justification and understanding of it, and then it passes away.

A general pattern, I become aware of something and than I try to justify, than accept, than see, find the solution of correct understanding and than it passes away. The need to be right comes into the way and creates delay, otherwise the process is quick.