Spiritual recalibration - happiness | suffering.

The cause of ignorance is the need to be happy and avoid suffering. This need filters through belief and crystallize into a desires. Everything that I am doing impressing others in the realm of thought, wanting a relationship, heat in the room, appearance, not offending anyone, in someway are attempt to be happy by collecting the tokens of pleasures.

Attempt to stay away from tensing sensation, or conflicts, people telling me things that i don’t want to hear. These are attempt to avoid unpleasurable situation.

Stoping noise, good cafe, wants people to stop doing what I don’t like, then doing it all over again in the realm of thoughts, planning so things play out as I want.

Things I find happiness is with, with times that happiness fades, jquery, cafes..

Then there is a satisfaction of achieving a goal. Set the goal of creating the videos series and than archiving it. Although I struggled in the process.

Then there is the satisfaction of growing. Tackling the situation of life.

Ther was happiness in cracking desk, cracking 4th stand exam, finding meditation, in the call of namrata, building agentzero, going to Lin house, food from mom and prachi. Uploading how to stay focused. Mastering speechcraft, Yoga retreat, mastering social deficit. Reading and finding understanding.

There was unhappiness in the mom comment on hair, in the hustle of what i want in a relationship, not being able to express in namshi farewell or tushita. Being scold by vidhyashram, cut by prachi, lung ta. Anurag taking advantage of my inability to say no.

There is a happiness in yoga class, talking to J for hours.

There is unhappiness when I was struggling for money. Couldn’t afford things that I need mom’s incident.

There is unhappiness in confusion and being lost, there is happiness in finding out and direction and clarity.

There is happiness in the kiss and hugs of the Lin, there is unhappiness in kavita’s non-verbal rejection.

There is happiness in children running towards me, there is unhappiness in forced working.

There is happiness in ambition. There is boardom in just sitting.

Governance and standing for what is right.

There is happiness of purpose.