stripping comparison.

at the moment I mean like literally stripping comparison. or better way to say building equanimity.

the very heart of illusionary fear for me is, fear of judgement. and it’s subtle and defensively heart closing. very unconsciously I compare myself against everyone. specially it gets worse when mind is not calm.

I walk and my mind sees peoples as threat. and If I am not aware it start comparing stuffs like what I am wearing to what other peoples wearing and based on the images I’ve built in my mind by watching media and all. it tells me this is better and that is not. now instead of seeing person in front me. I start seeing better or worse person in front of me. and than it decide I should hide ignore or attack ( of-course amplifying ). I do these comparison with speech and physical appearance as well. if the sex is opposite I do the same comparison other way around.

this is pretty much madness. what I miss with all this coarse comparison, is actual person. who is just like me trying to be happy and avoiding suffering. and the urge of comparison must turn into feeling of compassion.

can I learn to see an actual person rather than physical appearances ! can I see their strategy to attain happiness and avoid suffering effortlessly !