Off-balance.

last week and more I was meditating on soical understanding and relationship and in a way, I kind of get lost. Instead of gradual growth, I got into the mode of after this. Hault everything, until this finished. Also consistent experinces are happening and opportunity to grow are coming and actual growth are also happening but the process without the proper attitude and clear direction becomes a bit frustrating.

There are self judgment also happening, accompany by judging others and protective conduct. And I believe beside uncalirty, these consistent meditaion on soical are contributing to it. And my theory is, if I switch a gear and move to voice of knowledge this can be transmuted. This state itself is causing a bit of isolation. Reading some of the Lower realm information like game and all, triggered discomfort of its own type.

The sense of not moving forward is another stream that is filling the tank of this unease. chasing the selfish desire seems to be another source. A part of me is also unhappy that I am spending time to understand as compare to act.

Vitality is good, but spiritual practice in the evening subordinated by analytical meditations. I am understanding, having some good communication and learning but real connections are not there. And contribution is also running dry.

So what should I do about all that.

There is a sense that in this state of disbalance, the realm from where I am operating is not sound for understanding.

How much more time I need to figure the social conduct out ?

• need | pain points | illusions..
• the different dreams..
• attention | depth | gossip..
• good conversations..
• dominations..
• attratction..
• the process of courtship.
• a conversation with Akshaya.
• the dating.
• the sexual intent.
• casual | real relationship.
• a conversation with Australian.
• the element of fun | sexual polarity | controlling attention.
• the suggestions.