the core philosophy
what it is now
after spending some times in himalayas, tushita and meditation, i think i can understand more clearly my current philosophy, direction of life, and reason of dissatisfaction. this graph shows my current compass through which I am navigating my life on top of it i learned in meditation session how poorly conditioned my mind is. surprisingly when i tried to focus on breath it worries about that poor engineer as big dino is getting closer in Jurassic park, a movie i saw atleast 10 years back.
as I start to notice about my drives it seems to me I am in healthy relationship with materialistic things and sensory pleasure. I could also clearly say I love technology ( programming, designing, etc ) and feels quite confident in it. although it tease me that just being technology expert is not enough, not unique and even inferior when i see a developer as a replaceable small unit for some management guy, who doesn’t understand or care about technology but running the show. may be it hurts my ego. afterall my ego wants me to be unique, always better than others, praised, admired, worshiped.
although it isn’t like I desperately care about reputation or praise, but it feels like in absence of right compass and societies criteria of success it rooted itself. and with it strengthen ego. it’s not very hard to understand intellectually that whole cause of dissatisfaction is the ego and it’s children attachment and aversion, and together it causes misconception of reality. no wonder there is no compassion in my current compass.
the method to deal with ego is quite simple don’t feed it and with meditation it can be reduced to very healthy state.
what it is going to be
i’ve tried before to accumulate wisdom, tecnology and compassion separately but now i can understand without a proper balance it feels like after this i would do next. it’s just not satisfactory.
one thing that i didn’t notice before how much my ego comes into the way. how much it is pulling me into the wrong direction. how much it cares about about such trivial thing like how can i get better than others. it is amazing to realise how much further it has taken me from my authentic self.
cultivating compassion
I believe compassion is human nature. it cultivate itself in absence of ego. it is common sense to understand facts such as everyone is just like me trying to be happy, almost everyone is suffering trying to satisfy their self image, thinking only if they can achieve that thing everything would be great. trying to hold impermanence. failing to understand it’s all in our mind and it is the only place where one can find peace.
but more than anyone i need love and kindness from myself. I need to learn just like everyone i am also trying to be happy. it’s ok that i’ve made some mistake in past. it’s ok if I’m not perfect. i need to appreciate that I am trying.
I have to be the best friend to myself
cultivating wisdom
cultivating wisdom requires a peaceful and focused mind which is not affected by aversion and attachment and could see things as they really are even in the face of adversity and stress.
it could be accumulating knowledge from texts and observations. developing a perspective of opportunity in obstacle, understanding balance, cultivating power of introspection and impermanence, ultimately knowing what is the correct things to do in every moment.
becoming artist in technology
if there is one thing that i find more interesting than anything, it is technology. ever since i encounter it i found it fascinating, I spent quite a lot of time learning to program and design. but more or less the goal was always earning money. I have not done much of it for fun. it is an amazing tool which allows to express myself and earn fine living. but i’ve to learn to create, to become an artist.
every artist needs to learn to love the process. and every project is a reflection of creator. anything one creates he leaves imprint of his personality and hidden in the art is the message of creator. his struggle, his care, his will, his heart all lives with his piece forever.