The danger

it is getting clearer and clearer to me what is my next adventure. I am hooked with external reality. I guess all those events of social vanurablity and being robbed again and again is really showing there purpose.

So I started to read a lot of book on subject like power, game, hyponsis, manuplation and whatnot. And. The power of external matrix is start to come in the light. The delusion and all. But these topics are striring my soul if not corrupting. Yesterday I souted on the situation with my family where I usually handle with calm. I am angery at the hipocracy around me. The existence of humans. It is quit clearly reflecting the internal world. Chaos.

A constant thought of balancing it with compassion is in my mind. There is no doubt I am doing it and I have to do it. Just that constantly reflect on the price. Pay it but know it as well. May be this as well be just another one of those concept. Those precious belief.

I am constantly telling myself how great is having a solid inner game. Which is pointing that may be I don’t really have a solid internal game. Or may be I am loosing it. I just like to believe. After all, I have meditated for years. shallowness. The rise of ego.

Nonetheless I am busting a lot of belief and figuring out the shit for myself. It is gonna be ugly this time I guess. But it is going to be real.