The Incident of morning.

In the morning Lin sent me a message, where she complain about me, and in a indirect manner and telling me I was expecting better.

Now I sent her a message. that I love her unconditionally I didn’t really empathise but told her I understand her and love her uncoditionally based on my principles. and gave her an advice.

Than I feel bad and trying to justify my stance. and getting into the cycle of justification and judgement. which is a clear sign there is something wrong.

So one clear principle here is I do not judge or justify but look at the knowledge what is creating that judgement and place a true statement there.

You need to look at the content at the moment to really trace back to the source at the moment itself.

One thing is I was afraid that I might hurt her. Make her sad. She is in the same state I was in few days back, impulsive and reactive, afraid taking everything personally. It is assumption but I have experience of it.

She is saying that If I say that that means I didn’t like her. I voilted her expectations.

In the hurry I didn’t read the message properly she was saying in more of apologatic tone, I didn’t get her message properly and replied in hurry. So before you give someone any advice you understand their point of view and at least try to get into their shoes.

First of all there is no point in giving advice in that level of emotional space. you can only understand.

But Why did I feel at unease? First I felt a necessity to reply than I didn’t know how to formulate the reply and then I chose the reply based on principles.

Then I felt at unease that I might have hurt her. Why I felt that? because I said something against her beliefs I think I was most concern about I don’t care what you think or act. Or how what I said will be precieved by her.

But why is it bother me that how she will precieve my judgemet? because she will start crying and I will feel bad.

So she sent me a message because she is feeling painful and wants to communicate or express her sadness and expectation? I preceived it as a judgement. I sent her a message because I feel obligated. then I feel regret because I think I might have hurt her because if she gets hurt than I feel bad.

She has every right to judge me and protect her beliefs this is normal, I am not obligated to justify, If I try to please her based on her expectations and change my point of view, she will becomes more uncomfortable.

The best thing to do in this scenarios is to express your point of view based on your principles. do not give advice, do not change your point of view, just to please someone else. Do not engage in the mental chatter of playing the game of judgement, Do not give other people advice on how to live.