The Model and Truth.

Yesterday me applied for the vipassana, and in the vipassana there were some fields that says am I married or not in relationship. There is no option of exploring the relationship.

In meditation session it was clear that me became unstable. Me also became very unstable when my preferences didn’t match yesterday. The first thing based on the best of your capability learn to watch it.

Me becomes agitated when it’s preferences are not being met or the model of reality shakes up. There will be much more opportunities to see this agitation with more clarity, take advantage of that.

About speaking truth and samma vacha.
There is no doubt speaking the truth is the best policy. If you can, you should only speak the truth.

When ever you speak the lie then you need to answer why?

Why did I speak the lie that I wasn’t in a relationship when I was. because if I tell that, it means the rejection of 30 days course. and I really want to do that.

Is my speaking lie hurts someone?
No. not at all.

It is the case when if I speak the lie, then I can get into the vipassana, and that will be extremely helpful to me.

Is my intent of doing something is unwholesome?
Why they are stopping people to do the vipassana if they are into sexual misconduct. It is on the level of intent and repetition because you are enjooying it in that sense pleasure you end up seeding it out. Sexual misconduct is extreme case, watching porn as well can be consider sexual misconduct.

For me the reason was to experience it and explore the relationships, the amount of internal unease me was creating was very heavy.

Although my actions might have harmed Lin as her expectation broke and I should ask for her forgiveness.

I know what I did is not sexual misconduct. In the weakness of mind some times I might have watched porn which I am ractifing.

The reason of speaking lie is not harmful for others, not it is harmful for me, even benefical. but system is designed in a general way and the gatekeep may not be worried about what is good or bad for me but consider what is written there as a law.

The law is designed to avoid people who are not the right fit for the course because they will waste the time.

The law is right in a general purpose, although in this case what I am doing is the right action, it is not harming anyone and it is good for me.