Flourshing relationship with mom #2.

She had a dream, in her dream I am in a certain way. I have a dream, in my dream she is in a certain way. In reality I am different person and she is different.

She tries to fit me in her image of me. What is her image? I don’t know. But in her dream, she is very unhappy in general and has habit of blaming the rest of the chacters, including me.

When I do something which is not inline with her dream. Not getting married, job, going to Delhi, going for meditation. It triggers a strong fear in her. And she become very aggrasive. In that aggression she starts to verbally blame me. Ask me to justify my behaviour, ask me to explain. With no intention of communication but to prove me wrong. Dominate me in a sense. A logical explanation is useless as it triggers more fear in her. She can’t afford to be wrong. As soon as there is an argument on behaviour, she jumps on the charcter. If there is a fear of loosing, she cut the phone.

There is no explanation on this point, any logical communication can happen when other person is not the state of fear. In the state of fear there is only argument.

The problem is she is able to hook my attention or without a communication here. She took it as a sign that it is ok to be abusive.

How can I cut the argument, when what I am doing is not align with her dream. Just communicate without any explanation, if she start shouting clear says I don’t like it. And cut the phone. And do not call until she does it. This behaviour is not ok, should be clearly communicate. No blaming.

Respect her dream even if it is a bit darker, help wholeheartedly if she desires to be helped. Just do not allow her to desrespect your dream, and forcing you to be certain ways that fit her dream.

Now the question is how can I help her in sickness, how can I communicate what she does is destructive to herself and others. How can I make her life more colourful.

You can only be prefect half. There is nothing more that is in your power. She had to decide and act. Only than there is any possiblity. In a way your communication towards her is helping her to do so. Letting her know that it is not ok. What she does to other. The more eloquently you can communicate this, the better she can handle it.

Infect, as a matter of fact, she is creating scenarios for you to strengthen you Taking negative feedback, assertive NO. Corrective feedback. And handling conflict. This is the normal behaviour should be able to handle with ease and effectiveness.

What is a bad man but good mans job, what is a good man but bad mans teacher, if you don’t understand this, you will be lost.

It is the people who are hardest to love, needs it the most.