The self esteem.

Few days back I saw a child in a super market. He was pretending that the floor is like an ocean and he was swimming. Practically sweaping the floor. Now his pranents seems to be very embarrassed, but that child has no trace of embarrsment. And that is a very high self esteem. He doesn’t care what other people will think or say. He is capable to expressing himself as it is. And we all started like this child, full of self esteem and confidence maybe different degree to different people but something happened as we grew up, that forget sweeping floor with shirt now it is so hard to just express our opnion. So the question is what happened.

Did you know mahatma gandhi lived 94 years. Did you believe it? Nobel prize winner physchologist Danial coheman call it cognative bias. We are wired in such way that that we believe first and when we have strong evidence to disbelieve, even if I tell you your face is green. In your mind you first have to believe and then say no no I am not.

A child has no ideas. He will believe whatever you tell him. As we grew up people around us tell us all kind of things. My teacher tells me I need to top in order to become smart. My parents tell me I need to study instead of playing to become a good love. Media tells me It is not normal to stay alone. I should be socialising.

And what makes it so powerful is, it is backed by conditional acceptance. So If I act the way they want me to, I will be accepted. If not rejected.

And what happens in that process we end up having an image of perfection. An ideal person should always be socialising, and then we have a self image. You are shy. And when we believe in these 2 concepts. Something poisonous happenes inside our mind. We start to judge ourself and reject ourself.

Now to avoid judgement from other people, We start to pretend. I think other people judge me based on the same image of perfection I judge myself upon. So instead of expressing myself now I start to pretend. And the more we do that the more self-rejection it creates. And it creats even bigger need to be accepted by other people. So we pretend even more, and that is a downward cycle to direct hell.

And when we are rejcecting ourself inside our head, how can we have a good self esteem, we don’t even trust ourself. So the result is