The self judgment and self esteem

There is a self judging voice inside our head, accompany by self suggestion and an image of perfection. A part of us try to prove it’s worth while other judges based on an image of perfection. The more we engage in this stupid game, more powerful this process becomes.

Morning I was tempted to ask for allout in a1000yoga. If I have reacted I might have rewarded or punished. God knows what this judge would do. I didn’t reacted though. And it passes away. There was a weak judgement of If don’t do it that means I can’t do it. And If I can’t do this that means I am not good enough.

These suggestions are what makes it hard to act properly. It is like someone is freaking out. And it that makes it more challanging to see.

The image of perfection is such that I have to keep doing these things to keep proving my worth to myself. Almost endless stream of it.

If I make mistake, as much as shattering voice, I am being punished, and that creates low self worth, low self esteem, low self acceptance.

Now it is important to understand what this mistake is, the mistake is what I suppose to be according to the self image, vs what I am doing. So it become relative and different for different people. What is a mistake for me could be success for you, based on the structure you end up creating.

So when I am hanging out with some people, and couldn’t express my point of view, and ofcourse people take advantage of it, I felt strong emotional judgement in my head. What kind of person I am, can not even express my true opnion. Then I justify to myself, why this is a good thing, but it only make the self judgement even stronger.

I do believe it was a healthy selfjudgment, because I should be able to express myself in all the situtation. And it was a right message, but most of the people, including me when face the self judgement, we try to deny it.

Because there is another self judgement about if I am not good at anything that means I am not good enough. I am not perfect. And that is just dead wrong.

When we perform really good, there is a self accpetance but that is a conditional self acceptance. And there is another side for self rejection. And it is disastrous.

So what if we accept ourself without no conditions, just the way we are. That is what we want.

We are still working and playing in the world but not to prove anything to our self judge. But to explore.

Is it even possible, yes I think so.