The stingy mind.

mind feels so much like a clinging organ. It practically clings for anything. it clings for lust and if you restrain, it will cling for that restrain. you start reading book and it will start clinging how many I read this week. It feels like it only knows 2 things, either you entertain or suppress. both ways mind just wants to score.

then there is this clinging to progress, it just wants to feel I am making progress. It just want to make sure I am running, aimlessly ! that’s ok with mind. the delusion, the trap, the wastage.

restrain, suppress this is not same as letting go. and i don’t know how to let go. the more you try the more it becomes the mind game. it will happily suppress it for you. If you don’t try it becomes too easy for mind to run it’s own show.

it is so easy to write about it, when It’s not happening. but when emotions turmoil, it’s the whole different state. it is no more this calm, composed me. but someone who just want to run, either away or towards it. just want to get rid of it. heart starts to contract, mind starts to agitated. a lot of time I can’t even register this is happening.

the instructions of sages is so deceptively simple. just observe it’s arising and passing.