The torrent of cardinal desire.

On Monday I dated Lin, she is cute, we were in sync, and then I kissed her. And then since then I am having quite intense sexual pull inside. I am sort of defaulting to it.

There is this intensity of pull, and it feels pleasurable but then there is no strong desire to stay centered. And follow your practice.

Morning I am thinking for hours, night I am sleeping while thinking about it. All from bhogta Bhav. It’s like I am holding on to it tightly.

This is very natural, this pull. Especially as I don’t mastrubate much.

What it is doing it to me?

There is no fun in this thinking, only distortion, and maybe be it will even destroy the real fun.

It feels like tight fist sort of sensations. Uncomfortable. This doesn’t really feel good. Then becasue of constant engagement, this is taking president in my mind. From my work.

And then I am also feeeding it by watching different videos, even though for educational point of view.