The vipassana #7.

The sitting was quiet easy, thoughts were ever changing, so real at the moment of arousal. Then something else take place, love, lust, hatred. Compassion. The action and then self judgement. The awareness is constantly increasing and doesn’t necessarily feel good. To act you need a stable pole, that pole is fluctuating. There were many sharp thoughts, which doesn’t any power.

Some chakra stuff happened, movement from pleasent to painful becoming obvious and clear.

There was a lot of thought around Lin. I was even thinking to get married to her. There was change in thoughts and all the sudden I didn’t like her anymore. Everything seems confusing because thoughts are changing so is the foundation. How amazing it is, how far I misinterpritated Lin’s message.

I noticed the lack of awareness when answering the question of teacher. The answer came out as lie and it bothered me. I could see the whole cycle of self judgement but can’t really avoid the tyranny, reminding

A thought of working in compniens circled around.A thought of compassionate Danna to student of engineering circled too. Thought of general dweasha comes and went.

The thought of really disolving the ego came as priority. Because of the lack of clarity, anxaiety built up. And emotional reaction. I am acting stupidity about tiny taniy things. Like fan. As it is like a threat to my self esteem.

There is no happiness in chasing images, I know so well. I also know so well how temporary all these feelings. Yet it is so tempting.

You need to know what is important and put all your energies there and in a bit of time you feel emotionally good as well.

If there is a misconcention self judgement. How well I know this. But it is not ingrained and can be ingrained with constant experience.