Truth

External situations are not favorable, my inner state is also getting unbalanced. I have made poor choices in some way, and haven’t really learned from them. I have chosen ease in some sense.

My strategy is poor, at least in terms of living external life, I do not feel good about me struggling to be mediocre. I have used spirituality as a excuse.

My actions are not strong, I am seeing weakness in me.

On the other hand, I am getting closer to my true self, there is a sense of tolerance, and separation. There is a sense of peace.

There is also a growing sense of I can actually let go of this whole mental model and go beyond the ignorance.

I can potentially find my true nature, and love, and compassion, and peace, and freedom.

I can potentially go for permanent retreat. If I am serious, this is the opportunity.

Second thing is working with this poor conditioning of mine. Acting this way. Learning to frame things in positive manner. Building a bullet proof mindset. Not external condition but my own mindset. Then people and survival.